They’re on the phone.
Bobby: yo, D What you on today?
D: Nothing much bro. Got no motive.
Bobby: Argh, am going front-line still.
D: Who’s at front-line?
Bobby: The team man.
D: Sn im Going to be there soon!.
Bobby: SHO!
Frontline.
Kaine: what you man saying?
Kads: Nothing still
G1: Nothing much
Bobby: Just Out’ere
Kaine: What we doing today?
G1: I don’t know, todays dead no catties.
Kads; Trust I don’t even mind because I get the most anyway.
Bobby: Shut up man always talking after you’re the biggest stunt.
Kads: You don’t get girls!.
Bobby: Yhyhyh.
G1: FAM, yesterday them opps came down here yesterday and took pictures and said they are on our block.
Kaine: WHAT!! There moist they came in the morning as well, Wastemans.
D: Who was it doe?
G1: The Town Yutes!
D: But who doe fam!?
G1: Grizzy and that.
Kads: Come lets ride out?
Kaine: Come you man on it.
Everyone Together: Yeah Man!
Kaine: G1 Call barnes for what skengs we need please.
G1: Say no more.
They’re On The Phone.
G1:Yo.
Barnes: Yo, what you need.?
G1: Skengs ak.
Barnes: Which Ones?
G1: 2 Shotties & 2 Pistols.
Barnes: SNM ill drop it off.
G1: SHO!.
Off The Phone.
Kaine: Call Sally.
G1: Why?
Kaine: Bring Man.
G1: Say no more.
They’re on the phone.
Sally: Who’s this
G1: Its G1 man
Sally: O, What’s good?
G1: Nothing much still
Sally: Good, so why you calling man?
G1: Basically the town yutes came to frontline and took pictures and said they’re on our block.
Sally: O Yeah, R.block Showed me yesterday still.
G1: Yeah he’s the that showed me.
Sally: There’re moist doe cause it was Sunday morning when everyone was sleeping who has time for that loooool.
G1: Wastemans but anyway I need you and your team still.
Sally: Who you want?
G1: Bring Big A, DQ, Drops, R.block, L1, Fat T, T.rex, Jose and Jeremiah.
Sally: Say noting.
Off the phone.
2 Hours later they all meet at frontline.
D: Who’s jumping in the 4 door?
Kaine: Am driving.
G1: You got no license.
Kaine: So what, shut up it don’t matter your riding your ped anyways.
G1. True
Bobby: Im getting in the 4 door.
D: Am coming in.
Kads: Mans jumping in.
Sally: I am.
G1: What about the others.
Sally: They all gave peds.
G1: Say nothing bro.
Kaine: What are you man ready yeah?
D: Come lets go.
20 Minutes they hit town.
Kaine is just shooting in the air, everyone’s just running
G1 is chasing people on his ped.
DQ Catches someone and stabs him in the heart so he dies
He caught Y.J.bandz.
Bobby: What you man saying. Wasteman
G1: Bloody wasteman.
Kaine: THERES GRIZZY!
G1: SHO mans going to do that his not cutting from my ped.
Bobby: Just catch the guy fam.
G1: OK!
D: LOL!
G1 has caught grizzy!
DQ: Why you switching sides you neek.
Jose: Bang him fam
Kaine: You’re a neek uno
Grizzy: Shut up
Kaine: Your buzzin we have the straps you don’t
A witness saw everything that happen
So she called the police.
G1: Buss a cap in his head bruv.
Kaine: Am doing it.
Kads: Let me do it please.
Someboddy unknown came running it was grizzys friend.
G1: WHOS THAT!.
HE shot G1 In hes arm.
Kads: Kads shot him in his Leg.
Kaine: Shot grizzy.
Everyone ran out the scene but they couldn’t because the police came and everyone got arrested except for sally d and bobby because they got away.
This Genre was crime and gang. G1 Got 15 years, Kaine goy 20 years Dq got 5 years because he snitched.
June 23, 2015 at 10:44 am
Gabriel, this must have taken you a lot of time to think up, write, draft and then type. I am pleased to see you applying yourself so much and it is clear to me that you are trying hard.
You switch in a believable way between dialogue and stage directions in your script. One thing I would suggest is putting the stage directions in brackets or italics. This will make it easier for actors.
Some of the slang you use is non-standard, but in the stage directions you have used standard English. This means that saying things like
“There On The Phone.”
needs accuracy. So, in this case it should be “They’re” on the phone, because what you’re saying is “They Are”.
Similarly when they say “Am getting in the 4 Door” I think you mean “I’m getting in the 4 door” I’m means “I am”.
When characters say “SNM” which I believe means “say no more”, do they actually say “ess en em” or do they say “Say No More”? If it is the latter then you should write it as you want an actor to say it.
I look forward to seeing the next draft.
(Where is the essay you were writing?)
July 8, 2015 at 4:21 pm
Having made the edits you did I am pleased to say: “Script Writing” Unlocked!